An extract from Darreled Kenny's diary

Today's the day, the big school trip and were going to Home Lane Zoo, Mrs. Sours claims that they have the world's most beautiful donkey. So you can tell this is gonna be a terrible trip. Like, literally. The poop probably makes you trip hard.

We have to walk all they there because Mr. Jordans says a coach is not in the budget - and I'm not surprised, all the teachers used their money on fags and champagne. The teachers made us wear these smelly old jackets so we don't get lost, they reeked of the year elevens last year - fags and other stuff.

As we were walking we went past home lane nursery I saw the kid who bit me staring out of the window I glared at him in a stern manner, and I'm pretty sure he started crying, so I just ran to the front of the line.

Finally, when we arrived, the 'attraction of the day', the gorilla's cage was full of, well, lets say 'faeces' and the toilets were full of toilet seats. Heck, the gorilla cage looked more advertising than the toilets.

And there was a sign saying, 'EXIT HERE IF THE GORILLAS GO WILD'.

I think it was just one of those adult pranks because 'gorillas' was spelt incorrectly and the sign was pointing to the toilets, plus, all adults can think of is spelling things wrong and it's hilarious. Enjoy it whilst it lasts If you ask me, I'd rather get eaten by the gorilla than go into the toilets.