The last day of school before the Christmas holidays. How nice.

Somehow I got picked to be 'Santa's little helper' for the day at Home Lane nursery, and the worst news was that Santa was being played by Amelia Morris. I mean, a girl? No way would I serve a girl. I asked Mr. Jordans, and he denied any chances of me being able to quit the job, so I was stuck doing the time-wasting junk. Pretty swell. Mr. Jordans also said that we were leaving IMMEDIATELY after the register was taken, so that killed any chances of me bailing out. Mr. Jordans told me to 'do my best' and that 'the children wanted a show'. Heck, he did say they wanted a show right? I had a plan. A good one...


It was time to leave and, heck, Amelia told me that I need to do everything she says, but I told her she should kill herself and if we get lost, I'm going to eat her before McDonalds. The nursery was like a mile away from the school, which is actually a pretty long distance for me, so I almost threw up after five minutes. Apparently I have Tension Myositis Syndrome, which is some phobia of walking long distances. When all my groaning and grumbling finally came to an end, we were at our destination, the nursery.

So the 'performance' went surprisingly quick, in a good way. When we were finished setting up, I looked at the children and held up a note that read 'I'm being kidnapped!' but they seemed to only focus on the gifts before them - Santa straws. Like who wants a gosh darn straw for Christmas?! Anyways, so when we were done setting up, 'Santa' started to say 'ho ho ho, Merry Christmas! Me and my very special elf friend from the North Pole have came to gift you with the very presents you see now! Get ready...' then was my chance. I elbowed Amelia in the stomach, grabbed like half of the presents and ran off, straight home. My stupid Tension Myositis wasn't stopping me from getting away from this train wreck. I could hear like half of the children in the background cheering and laughing as I ran off. It was pretty funny that she called me an elf though, because I'm like twice the size of her. After I ran off, I headed straight to McDonalds as I was super thirsty, and I used all the Santa straws for the dozen milkshakes I ordered. Phew, I'm guessing that this was the 'Christmas cheer'.