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An extract from Darreled Kenny's Diary



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Apparently my uncle Harvey and his girlfriend (or should I say 'girlfried', her fake tan makes her look orange-r than, uh, an orange) Sylvia are getting married. Problem is, I have to ATTEND the wedding, and it's been arranged in our local church, which is possibly the worst place ever. No disrespects or anything, but they put waves of frankincense in the atmosphere in early-morning, which means I'll have to inhale it. I've always been an atheist in my own mind, but apparently I'm a catholic according to my Mother. I'm learning something new every day. It's also as dark as hell in there, the only colour is the ugly naked mosaics that were probably made by the priest or something.

So, we attended the 'celebration', and it was exactly what we expected. But there was a twist. As Sylvia was drunk the night Harvey proposed, she gobbled a 'yes' before passing out, and I'm guessing she didn't have a clue what he really asked. Probably 'will you sherry me' or 'will you Bloody Mary me', and she said NO. Harvey gave her a dirty look and, the 'wrath' of the wedding had subsided. Everyone was sighing with relief as soon as we departed too, which I'm guessing is completely natural. Apparently Harvey was acting like a [LOCK CLOSED] in front of Sylvia before they actually broke up that very same day, and I'm pretty proud of the dude for doing so, except I'd probably buy her one of those mosaics from the church. I actually had some spray cans on me as I was giving my bike a paint job, and I couldn't resist spraying 'DARRELED DED E WEEDIDUDUD WUZ WOOZHA WAZZA HERE' on the wall, as about five hundred other pieces of graffiti were already issued. It was pretty fun up to the time when I saw some girl look at me, and I'd only managed to get up to 'DARRELED DED E WEE' before I fled. Now that wall has a note of someone peeing. Oh well, all I've learned today is to never file a request of a mosaic to a priest.

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