An extract from Darreled Kenny's Diary
I thought I'd thrash Kuacki at paintball, but he's actually really, really good.
I decided we'd play in the park, as our garden was really messed up and coated in cigarettes and all sorts of other stuff from the party, so we got our gear and set off. We went to basically the coolest part in the park, where me and Cyndy first met each other AND shared our first snog, the strawberry patch. The area was so beautiful and there isn't even any strawberries, so the groundskeeper obviously wouldn't mess us up because of ruining the area. Almost everything beautiful is out of the way anyway. Kuacki fired the first paintball, and it hit me = in, well, let's leave that private - ouch. At least it wasn't my eye, eye guess. Oh, but guess what? The next one hit my eye. How lovely. I fell on the ground in pain, but I just tricked Kuacki - and all of you - because I shot a paintball right at his leg. He fell over, giving me an advantage over hitting him in the butt. Obviously, I took advantage of that move, and did it as hard as possible. Kuacki seemed fine, so I just continued shooting him with my paintballs. He eventually got up, and shot me in my funny bone, good news because your funny bone is the most vulnerable bone in your body. The last time I hit it was in Year One, where every sentence we made had to end in 'Duck, then jump!', and you know me, I writ 'Suck, then lump!'. Good old days. Kuacki seemed proud at his last move, so I tripped him up, and it started to become a fight. We were both laughing, though. He karate-chopped my stomach, and I barfed, he'd chopped so hard. I was determined to turn him into a pork chop more than ever. We gave each other the look that it was the time to go home, and that Kuacki had won. So, it was.
I remembered something. Something important.