An extract from Darreled Kenny's Diary
The end of Year Ten was finally here. Tests, grades, reports, and all sorts of other junk I didn't care about had all finally past. But guess what? Our headteacher, Mr. Jordans, decided to throw a party for us all. I got a small glimpse of what the teachers were doing. Champagne. Wine. Beer. I saw the deputy head, Mrs. Simonds, Smoking. Boy, I wanted to be there, because they were having an actual party. I think Mr. Jordans think we're all into Peppa Pig and all other kinds of beef, so he decided to hire a bunch of Cookie Men. What? Cookie Men anybody? Anyways, they're these guys who dress up as cookies with creepy tongues, and one asked me if I wanted to dance. I decided to give him a fifty pence coin, because I could already detect that he was a chav. I saw Cyndy, my girlfriend, chilling over by the punch bowl. She finally saw me, and we had a dance. It was surprisingly cool. But when it went over to the COUPLES music, everything went weird. Almost everyone had broken up since this one incident at the start of the year, so there was like THREE couples up. Me and Cyndy were one of them. Then I felt like pissing myself. Everyone shouted "KISS! KISS!" so me and Cyndy figured that if we did it now, we'd survive. If we didn't, we'd just waste everyone's time, INCLUDING ours. I have to admit, it felt good to have a snog with her, the last time we had one was in January, like six months ago. Oh well, it felt good to see her again.
The couple's music stopped. It was time for the dance-off.
I was practising my butt off with Cyndy, so we knew we'd have a good go at the damn thing. I also felt out that I'm SUPER flexible, so all the hot moves were as easy as, well, George Hamilton. We broke no sweat. Noah Bailey and his partner, Clarette Michaels were out first, as Noah's splitz ended up sending him and Clarette into the hospital. Next was Linda Redditch and George McRedge, trying a bunch of cheap and crappy moves such as the cock buster and the head yoyo. At least they had survived. The judges, some of the only staff that didn't faint with all the cigarettes and alcohol, were our judges, Mrs. Clair, Mr. Bryant, Miss Jipper, and Mr. McLeon, each giving them one six, and three sevens. Hff, I thought, There's no pressure.Obviously there was pressure, since Leo Sinclair and Amelia Sinchipper scored two tens and two nines, of course the men gave them nines. Ryan Marley and his gang of fellow dickheads, named the Skullsuckers, (they were suckers), scored four twos. Holy, I thought I was going to be sick when Ryan's trousers had split. The next contestants were Kiera Sinclair and Bill Devine, scored a nine and two tens. Holy crap, they were so annihilate good. There was a whole bunch of others, too, but none of them were really as memorable to put here, so lets skip to mine and Cyndy's act. We were last. The nerve made me want to do this dance me and my best friend, Perry, made called Shotgun Narwhal, the best dance of all time. Well, second best compared to mine and Cyndy's act. We began with the simple Violent Nights act, and broke out between all this amazing Mexican dance. Next we did the Air Spin, which was probably our best move, and the Nipple Cripple, yes, I know what you sickos are thinking, not that, but you get the picture. Then I did my dancing solo, my backflip buttload, and