An extract from Darreled Kenny's diary

Yep; it's me in the flesh, alright.

Tons of stuff has happened. I've moved out with Cyndy, I've completed my graduation and, most importantly, am no longer a virgin. And since all of these things have been happening, my diary has been collecting dust - I felt quite sorry for it, actually. Looking back over this huge volume of my dog days, my maturity has since gotten the best of me, but I'm still Darreled. There's always gonna be vulgarity, awkwardness, and puberty - or, now past 18, adulthood. Nevertheless, life is still shit.

Even with my exams going on, there's always going to be a day cemented in my mind: graduation. The day when us, the now-undergraduates, were legally allowed alcohol, to smoke nonchalant, and have an entire building dedicated to our, well, underachievement - with minimal teachers! As a self-proclaimed school recluse, I was busy laying low with Cyndy, Ben, and Nathan, the latter two of which share my gothic pain, our similarities extending to friendship. We were hiding in the library, having some stupid banter and putting cigarettes in some of the books, namely Super Schnauzers: Volume One and then some. Since we're all retarded, we decided to get extremely drunk, and Nathan even passed out. To rephrase, we fell asleep - at school.

By the next morning we, quite frankly, felt brain-dead, literally. It was now a Saturday, meaning that we were forced to survive in school with a, mind you, locked cafeteria (which also happened to have doors to the fire exit), albeit accessible with the keys. Cannibalism was also not an option. Working together with post-drunk young adults is truly a nightmare, and I'm glad that my body was able to recover itself in time, notwithstanding the quasi-gallons of alcohol I barreled down. Heh, barreled.

Obviously, our first operation was to find the keys, but that was met with dismay, as the keys were apparently located behind a door which required ditto. So, forth comes our plan of key-finding. I searched in the eastern wing, Nathan the west, Ben the north, and Cyndy the south. The plan sounded interminable in its own right, what with all of the accuracy needed, but it was worse than what it seemed. After searching in all of the logical hiding places we were, with reluctant emotion, forced to look under every cupboard, chair, etc. to find these damn keys.

And, what do you know, it was I who found them, in a compartment behind a plant pot in the principal's office. So, with the keys in hand, we were able to retrieve the, well, keys, and free ourselves.

Of course, after returning home, it was only natural that, first we would be grounded, and second that we would be eternally barred from these graduation parties. It's great how mum is oblivious to the fact that you only have one graduation party - this isn't the glory days.